Dear Ginger,
I just wanted to thank you for what you wrote. I wish that there were some "magical mysterious" words that could ease your pain, and cure your wounds, but they are just not there. I do know that guilt is something that is not worth the effort we give to "it," and comes not from God, but the "evil one." I am an Expert on Guilt. I have lived in a world filled and shaped by guilt. I would have ran of the office of the Mayor of Guilt, except that I felt too guilty to run.
I often wonder why God permitted satan to use guilt on us human beings, as it seams so cruel and so very effective. But stoping the guilt is the real issue, and the real problem. And this is where the expertise ends and the novice begins.
"Is God's Love suffient?" Words I have heard hundreds of times from Eric and Rod. From what you worte, you have no responsiblity to be guilty of anything. You gave Colin your Love and Adoration, every minute of his life. And you continue to do so, for the rest of your life. This is what being a parent is all about, and you are a good parent. You did all the you could do for Collin, by giving him your Love. Your Love for Collin was and is suffient. God's Love for you is also suffient.
I will pray for you.
Ron |